It's harder to be a birthmother
So I've been thinking about my experience as an adoptee as compared to my experince as a birthmother. Looking back over it all it has really become apparant to me that being a birthmother has been a more difficult experience. I don't know exactly why, the feelings are more intense as a birthmother as opposed to being an adoptee.
I felt a strong connection to my bparents, but a MUCH stronger connection to my birthchild. I suppose it's that magical thing that happens when you carry a child. Maybe not everyone feels this way but I sure do. I know I'm not my sons mother but I feel like his mother and can never express that to him. It would push him away even more so, he is already very timid about reunion as it is. And it's not like I want to be mom to him, but I can't help but feel motherly toward him. I dunno if that makes any sense, I would never even think about trying to insert myself into that role. He has a great mom already.
I carry this alone, it will be within me to the day I die and since I can never tell him that I tell you the annoymous reader. I love my son to depth of my being, always have and always will.
I felt a strong connection to my bparents, but a MUCH stronger connection to my birthchild. I suppose it's that magical thing that happens when you carry a child. Maybe not everyone feels this way but I sure do. I know I'm not my sons mother but I feel like his mother and can never express that to him. It would push him away even more so, he is already very timid about reunion as it is. And it's not like I want to be mom to him, but I can't help but feel motherly toward him. I dunno if that makes any sense, I would never even think about trying to insert myself into that role. He has a great mom already.
I carry this alone, it will be within me to the day I die and since I can never tell him that I tell you the annoymous reader. I love my son to depth of my being, always have and always will.
posted by Heather | 8:30 PM
7 Comments:
Thank you for this, for the honesty.
An amazing post - thank you for your honesty.
HI Heather,
Thanks for sharing yourself here. I found you through my daughter, Joy, and just read through your archives. A lot of what you've said opens me up.
Hello... again?
Not sure how this works, as I thought I'd left a comment,that doesn't show. Just love to you for showing another facet of our journey. I'm Joy's mom, J.
Hi Joy's mom.........thanks for checking out my blog........ :-)
Kim- Thank you ((((((HUGS)))))
wow what an interesting post.
As a birth mother, i always felt that the biggest pain was to the adoptee. with the exception of adoptions that are needed and handled in the most possible healthy way - it has to be hard feeling unwanted and the identity issues.
i worry about the emotional health of my adopted out daughter every single day and pray for a reunion now, while she can still integrate and bond.
Yes it makes perfect sense.
MSP
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